Mother knows best

Me to my mother as she walks outside to smoke: Have fun getting cancer

My mother without skipping a beat: Oh shut up. I don't tell you 'enjoy having a heart attack' when you go out for a jog.

Touche.

Christmas at the Howell's

Kylee's got the photography skills, I've got the snowflake making skills.

Harleys, Thunderbird, Kentucky Headhunters, and Panama Jack

I hate when people mark anniversaries of tragedies that have happened in their lives. To me it's just a reminder of a bad time in your life. Why would you want to relive that and take yourself back to that time? I guess it helps some people with the grief to mark the occasion.

It almost slipped by this year without even the slightest thought. Most people are remembering the events of Pearl Harbor and all the men and women that lost their lives or were forever tortured from the days events. Not my family. Love you Gramps.

A road trip to Alabama is in order.

Fine, Kanye. FINE.

Remember that one post where I called Kanye out and told him that Bon Iver was better with auto-tune songs? Well, he must have caught wind because he came up with this jem:



I'm having a seriously hard time determining which I love better. I haven't listened to the rest of Kanye's new album but this song half tempts me.

Chicago: A Picture Story

This weekend I decided to go to Chicago and spend Thanksgiving with this girl:

BFF Christina

We made: 

Artichoke hearts, tomatoes, basil, goat cheese, mozzarella

Saw this: 

Record store from High Fidelity

Took these: 

Probably the best photo booth in all the land*

Gazed at these:

And were very pleased with this: 

BYU vs Utah football game

All in all I had a good time but just to set the tone of the weekend, 10 minutes into my flight from Austin to Memphis, a woman two rows up from me barfed ALL OVER. When I say all over, I mean all over. There was no trying to aim for the giant bag that was being held right in front of her face. We were on a CRJ200 which made it worse. (Go ahead and click on that link to see how very un-large the plane is). I feel like I STILL smell like barf and it's been a week.

My luck on the way home wasn't any different. My flight from Chicago to Memphis was delayed two hours causing me to have to miss my connecting flight into Austin. I'm not one to cry and certainly not in public but I seriously just wanted to get home to my puppy and to Texas that I ended up having tears stream from my face through the whole airport and for half of the train ride to Michigan Ave. People looked at me like I was nuts but I didn't even care.

Luckily I was put on the first flight out of Chicago the next morning and after having the pleasure of being escorted into one of those glass TSA boxes to get felt up by a huge woman, I was on my way home! This was my view: 

I think that makes up for all the shit I went through, eh? Delta can still suck it.

*The photo booth was in the record store. It advertised $3. Christina shoved me in and started feeding the machine dollar bills. As she was paying, I read a sign that said 'May start taking photos before all money is put in'. About a dollar in, the flash started. The first photo is Christina's sleeve. The second is a dollar and me. The third and fourth are of Christina struggling to finish paying and me laughing at the whole situation. Probably the highlight of the trip. I still laugh out loud when I look at the strip.

Cancer loves Glenn Beck and it hates nachos.

What A Girl Wants

It's not even Thanksgiving yet but I'm already thinking of all the things I'd love for Christmas. Sometimes just putting together a wish list is better than shopping itself. You get the retail therapy without denting your bank account. It's a win/win situation. I've got an Amazon wish list that I've had forever and I keep adding and deleting things. One of these days when I'm out of debt, I'm going to buy myself everything on that list....one of these damn days. Until then I'll be content just looking at it.

 Here's my Christmas wish list:

Tropic of Discussion Dress, Modcloth.com

One thing I am LOVING about Austin is the awesome weather. When I was in Utah, I lived in jeans and t-shirts. Now that I'm in Austin, I usually wear a dress. And boots. Girl finally has some fashion sense!

The Red Dirt Album by Stoney LaRue

I can't stop listening to Texas country and Stoney LaRue is probably my favorite right now. (Eli Young Band is at a close second.) He's playing Antone's this Friday. Sadly, I blew all my money on a plane ticket to Chicago so I can spend Thanksgiving with my best friend. But I'm sure he'll be back around soon enough.

Scented Candle Pots by Pottery Barn

I'm nothing short of a Scentsy whore. (My Dear Watson is probably THE best smell in the U S of A) I should have bought stock in the stuff when it first came out. That or maybe I should have become a consultant. I'd be rich. But there is just something about a candle that is so warm, inviting, sexy, comforting, and romantic. Nothing can replace a candle. My roommate has a bit of a shopping problem and candles are one of the things she "hoards". (HI LESLIE!) I've taken the liberty of helping her cause by having a candle burning everyday while I work. I'm a saint, I know.

Tom's black Glitter's

When I first saw these shoes, I hated them. I thought they were so ugly. But then I tried on a pair and it was like heaven. I suffer from plantar fasciitis so flats are not my friend, even though I love them so much. And THEN I found out that for every pair purchased, they donate a pair to a child in need. If for nothing else, buy me a pair for the children!

MAC eyeshadow

I am by no means a girlie girl. Nor am I the type to drop a ton of cash on beauty products. I like to be showered and out the door in 45 minutes tops. I spend $4 on the pink and green tube of mascara. I shop at Ross and have to debate whether that dress is really worth $19.99. (However I do refuse to wear anything but Victoria Secret bras. I guess a girl has got to pick her battles) BUT I have discovered MAC make-up and have found it to be so fun to play with. I still feel like a little girl getting into her mother's make-up. Some pricier make-up really does pay for itself. (Much like those Victoria bras.)

This needs no caption...

...or explanation. Sigh.

Clever got me this far then tricky got me in

Do you ever rediscover a song and want to kick yourself for even forgetting about said song? This doesn't happen too often but it happened to me this morning. I logged on to FB and an acquaintance had posted this song:



The emotions that stirred up from hearing this song can't really be described. When this album came out, I played it every single night when I went to bed. I fell asleep before the first song even ended. I've spent the greater part of the morning re-listening to all the songs.

I was 20-years old and a fairly new transplant to downtown Salt Lake City. I worked at a grocery store in customer service and as a manager at a clothing store. I had a tiny but adorable apartment all to myself and was starting to make Salt Lake City friends. I also had a fake ID. It was seriously THE worst fake ID probably ever made. I was laughed at on several occasions but was never denied inside the bar.

Man, I was so lost, confused, scared, carefree, innocent.....and I had black hair. Oh to be young again.

Wordless Wednesday

Never judge a book by it's cover

This also is true for wine labels.

I'm not much of a wino. As much as I'd LOVE to tell you the opposite, it's just not in the cards for me. I often have to text my friend Michael when it comes to wine and food pairing. I usually stick to what I know and that is a wine that you can't go wrong with since it's a combination of Zinfandel, Merlot, and Cabernet, giving it it's name, Ménage à Trois.

My roomie loves her some Chardonnay. The taste is pretty mild so it's growing on me. While browsing the shelves of wine at the grocery store (I'm still not used to this genius convenience) I came across this ADORABLE label and had to give it a try.

What? A sexy pin-up label AND adorable name? You had me at 'Mad'.

I took the little jewel of a bottle home and uncorked it to give it a try. I about flew through the roof when I saw the cork. EVEN THE CORK IS KITCHEY!

I loved it. I vowed that this would be my wine. I have never even wanted to have a go-to wine until this moment because how could you not love this bottle!? Then I tasted it.....not so much a fan.

My roommate is a better judge than I could ever be and she really wasn't a fan either. At least I found some cute bottles to display in my wine rack, eh?

Damn Virtues

Today marks the release of Kings of Leon's new album Come Around Sundown and I've been so excited for this day. I do have to admit that I'm not completely IN LOVE with the album yet but that's not to say that I won't be soon enough.

As y'all can tell, I started this post yesterday but I've decided to finish it today. I take back what I said above. Not the part about me being excited for the release of Come Around Sundown; The part where I said I wasn't in love. I am.

I listened to this album for the better portion of yesterday's 9 1/2 hour work day. Once I was finished working, all I wanted to do was keep listening. I even woke up at 5 AM this morning and this album was the first thought that came to mind. Well, that and my crazy and dreamy dream I had.

The song that initially got me excited about this album is called "Back Down South". The only version I had heard prior to yesterday was the live version. I was so excited to see what they would do with it on the album. While it sounds a bit different from the live version, I still love it. It probably has much to do with my curiosity and fascination of the South.

Speaking of my fascination of the South, Austin is coming along slowly yet surely. Moving has really shed some light on some things. Light on myself, on my friends, and on my family.

As far as what I've realized about myself, as much as I hate to admit it, I want instant gratification. The hard thing is that the goals that I have set for myself do not allow for that. I want a house, a rocking body, and love. All of these things take time and it's driving me BANANAS. Sure, I could probably buy a house right now but the way that I want to furnish and decorate it isn't exactly cheap. Sadly, girls got expensive taste. The rocking body part can't happen overnight either. Sure, I could go inject myself with some pregnancy hormones and easily drop the weight within weeks but eating 500 calories a day doesn't really seem like fun to me. And don't get me started on the love part. The way things are right now, I've given up on it. Maybe you really do have to just settle and be content. There is no such thing as a fairytale. That's hard to swallow when you've grown up a hopeless romantic.

I've had to sit down and come up with a realistic timeline. That has probably been the biggest challenge thus far. I never realized how impatient I am. Austin has really made me sit back and breath. I've decided that at the age of 30, I'm going to buy a house. That gives me a little over two years to build up a nest egg for new furniture and a down payment. Of course I've already started my search and have fallen in love with a couple of houses but who knows what this next two years will bring.

I think when I moved down here, I expected THE South. The wrap-around porches, the gentlemen that call every female "ma'am", jazz music, swamps, frogs and bugs. Yes, the south is a world of it's own as is Austin but it's just....different. I think I expected something out of the movies and books I've read and it's nothing like that. I tried not to have any expectations moving down here but I fought with it in the back of my head. Maybe Austin isn't enough. Sure, it has taught me some things about myself but I'm not satisfied. Here's that instant gratification again. I've only been here 5 weeks.

Patience Heather. Patience.

This song makes me shake it

And I couldn't have said it better.

3 days, 8 stages, 130 bands, and 15 different tan lines....

This weekend was a true testament to how old I really am. Three days in the sun, on my feet, treks back and forth from the car to the festival/stage to stage, plus a raging case of allergies can wear a person out. I do have to say that it was a truly amazing experience...expensive but amazing. The bands I saw...deep breath...Miike Snow, Lucero, Band of Horses, M.I.A (who I had no intention of seeing but ended up enjoying), Gogol Bordello, The Black Keyes, Vampire Weekend, Norah Jones..I could keep going but I'm sure you get the gist.

Even more amazing than the bands were the festival goers. Everybody looked out for one another and that was so refreshing. During Lucero, we met the cutest little family that shared their shade with us and told us about their previous ACL experiences. Also, everybody made a conscious effort to keep the park clean. I've been to music festivals before and by the end of the day, it's usually a sea of garbage. Zilker park looked just as clean walking out Sunday night as it did walking in Friday morning.

One disappointment was that I saw one particular and ADORABLE Austin blogger about 15 feet away from me but wasn't completely positive it was her until I text her after we had left to another stage so I didn't get to formally meet her. It needs to happen soon though.

My rock star status was through the roof Saturday when I was allowed access to the AMD VIP area that included real bathrooms, free food, free beer, and most importantly, TONS of shade. We watched the Broken Bells, Gogol Bordello and most of M.I.A in the VIP paradise before heading out of a night on the town. 

All in all, my first year at ACL was a success. Now that I've got some experience under my belt, I'm sure next year will be even more amazing! Hopefully I'll be living closer than I am this year. Being raped by pedi-cabs isn't all it's cracked up to be.

Automatic, supersonic, hypnotic, funky fresh

Now let me see your 1, 2 step!

I had my first taste of Texas country last night. I took two step lessons at The Broken Spoke and I absolutely fell in love! There were only about 7 couples who took the lessons (which was more like an expert dancer giving beginners some tips before pushing us on to the dance floor) but after the lessons were through, the band took the stage and the dance floor came to life!

The Broken Spoke is an adorably gawdy restaurant/dance hall that has some amazing classic country history. There are pictures and memorabilia that include Willie Nelson, George Strait, and Dolly Parton everywhere.

I think I enjoyed watching the other people dancing more than I liked actually dancing myself. My poor partner just wouldn't take the reigns and lead. Apparently I'm a "natural born leader" so I need a strong partner. Hmmmm. I'm sure a few more weeks of practice and we'll be out there whirling around like the rest of them. All in all it was a great night and I made my first official Austin friend. We are trying swing dancing next week.

Texas, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship.

This is my reality

I must say the 21 hours and 1,300ish mile drive to Texas was not even half as bad as I anticipated. We drove all the way to Lubbock, TX the first day. That left only 6 hours worth of driving the second day. Around Clovis, NM is when the delirium started kicking in. We stopped to wash off the bugs from the windshield and get some snacks. I thought it started raining when the sun set but it was actually bugs hitting the windshield. Disgusting. Oh and Stef ate a bug. I'm pretty sure she is still mortified. I shit you not, two days after the fact, out of nowhere she'd say "Dude! I ate a bug. Like, I TASTED it." Sorry Stef.

Can I just say how charming Lubbock, TX is!? We pulled in pretty late on Thursday night and stopped at the first motel we saw so we didn't really even see the town. The next morning we were starving so we ventured out to find breakfast. We stumbled across the cutest Waffle House and had an even cuter waitress. It was just like sitting in your grandma's kitchen and having breakfast. It was great.

We finally pulled up to my new home around 5 PM. When I walked it, it was like I'd walked into a house I decorated. Tin signs, Jack Vettriano, photos of friends, antiques....sigh. I love this house. It has so many cute and kitschy things. It's like I live in an antique shop or museum. And my roommate is basically a rock star. We became instant friends!



P is for poop. Or pee.






Painting of Sarah Bettens





In case you can't find the front door.





I will have this painting in my dining room someday.





Not sure which I should learn first.





Done by Leslie's mom, Terry. Probably my favorite thing in the house!



One of many cigarette ads throughout the house.



Nobody could have prepared me for the humidity though. The first time I walked outside after it rained I almost suffocated. I'm positive I'll never get to straighten my hair here but that's alright. Aside from not having friends yet (working from home doesn't really help with the whole meeting people thing), I'm loving Austin and can't wait to discover the city. I think I will get used to Brad Womack walking right by me on the weekends. ;)

ZZZZzzzzzzz

I'd love to fill you in on the last five days of my life. I'd love to give you the details of my 1,300 mile trek across Utah, Colorado, New Mexico (longest drive through a state EVER), and Texas. I'd love to tell you how Stef ate a bug in Clovis, NM and will probably be haunted by it for the next year or five. I'd love to show you pictures of the most adorable house I'm living in. I'd love to tell you about my awesome roommate. But the fact of the matter is, I'm SO tired that I can't even THINK of how to correctly put a sentence together.

If I'm being 100% honest, the VMA's are on and I haven't had cable in about a year so I'm pretty distracted. Can I just say that it's no longer fashion if you can't even walk in what you are wearing LADY KAKA er, I mean GAGA!? Ahem. Anyway. I've also been trying to catch up on what's going on in the interwebz universe and I'm a bit overwhelmed.

I came across this blog post from my girl Sue and thought I'd share. I love this girl and I kept myself together this whole move until I said goodbye to her and then I lost it again somewhere in New Mexico when I read her card. I'll be representing during my exploration of Austin and knock the cities socks off until you come and visit me Mija! Thanks for the t-shirt.

Is it me does this t-shirt look Texas orange? It's really red. WEIRD!

Salt Lake City is killing me

Oh life. I've been running around like a chicken with my head cut off with an alarming sense of calm these past few weeks. I'm afraid this is the calm before the storm. Things should get interesting soon. Stress from moving, a death in the family, insomnia, and a best friend in the hospital is what this life has been seasoned with as of late. I do have a fun guest post coming up from Mr. Gill over at Cheesecake. If you haven't read his blog, you seriously need to. His writing and sense of humor is brilliant. I just need to finish my post for his blog and then I'll put his up.

In the meantime, I wanted to share some music because I just spent way too much money planning my final hoo-rah in Utard....that won't be in Utard. Me and a couple of girls are going to road trip it to Vegas this weekend to see Ray Lamontagne and David Gray. RAY LAMONTAGNE!!! DAVID GRAY!! Did I mention I'll be staying in a two bedroom condo with three pools? Oh I didn't? Yeah, there is that too.

Ray Lamontagne released a new album 8.24.10 and I bought that same day and have listened to it so much, I have most of the songs memorized. It's the perfect cooking or house cleaning music. My two faves are This Love Is Over and New York City Is Killing Me. I have replaced the words to Salt Lake City and I'm afraid it has stuck...because it is killing me. Today marks my week countdown until I pack up the ole Scion and make the 21 hour trek.

I can hardly even wait!!

Pretty Please

Something is....off. I feel like every blog I read says something to the effect I'm just not inspired but HERE! Look at these pictures! or Boo, my fabulous house has too much space that I don't know how to design because of all the bookshelves and I own a Nook, Kindle, AND iPad so I don't have anything to fill these said bookshelves or I'm taking a break. The starting of this blog was supposed to be something profound and now I'm only posting on how my co-workers shart on themselves. I follow some very educated blogs. ;)

It's not just my "Internet" circle but most people I talk to as well are just in this....funk. I have been feeling less than inspired lately. (Except by that damn bouncy ball video!! I STILL am not over it.) It could be the fact that all that has been on my mind lately has been Texas and I don't want this blog to be strictly about my excitement, anxiety, etc. from selling everything I own to move to a place I've never been to and don't know a soul. That gets old quick. I'M even sick of it so I can imagine y'all.

 I also feel like I can't fully open up now that I know a certain few people (or maybe one person) are anonymously following this blog. Don't get me wrong, I made it public for a reason but when certain people who have removed themselves from my life only to blog stalk me and then go ahead and text the people I've happened to blog about without naming and tell them what a piece of shit they (and myself) are makes me less willing to write about me and what I'm going through. While it's annoying flattering, I'd really just like it if you'd move on like the rest of the world does when things are over. The credits have rolled and the clean-up crew is waiting for you to leave so they can clean the theatre if you know what I mean.

This blog started off strictly as a music blog. It was my top 10s. Maybe I felt inspired by John Cusack's character in High Fidelity since I started it during my then recent breakup. Who knows but music is one of the things I LOVE writing about. My job recently had us take a Birkman assessment and what do you know, music is my highest ranking interest area, so much so that they explained that my interest is so high that it is actually a need. I NEED music. I love, love, LOVE introducing people to new music or trying to peg a person on their musical preference. One of the biggest gifts you could give me is music. Maybe not physical music per se but mention a band that I might enjoy or show me a song I might love and I'll love you forever!

Not only am I in a life-slump, I'm in a musical slump as well. I've stooped so low this week as to listen to Pantera. PANTERA!?! Those of you who know me know my history with Pantera. We have a love/hate relationship. I have a hard time listening to them due to the fact that they take me back to my teenage years and Jesse. I found myself jumping to Randy Travis, Alison Krauss, and Anberlin for distraction.

Music has always been a way for me to cope. Maybe this funk I'm in can simply be solved by some new music. Everything I've been attracted to is pop-infused, like Katy Perry's Teenage Dream (over and over and over and over). This isn't a bad thing but I need MORE. Any suggestions? Pretty please?

I. Am. In. Awe.

Great song, great video. There really are no words. Bouncy balls, a dog, a frog, the energy......seriously. I just watched this three times in a row. Try and forget the fact that it turns out to be a commercial. It's still fucking brilliant. I wish I was right in the middle of that street.

Thoughts on Success

This was sent to me just a few minutes ago at a time where I NEEDED these words. I thought I'd share them with y'all. (Look, I'm already sounding like a Texan.)

Thoughts on Success


Success begins the moment we understand that life is about growing; it is about acquiring the knowledge and skills we need to live more fully and effectively. Life is meant to be never-ending education, and when this is fully appreciated, we are no longer survivors but adventurers. Life becomes a journey of discovery, an exploration into our potential. Any joy and exuberance we experience in living are the fruits of our willingness to risk, our openness to change, and our ability to create what we want for our lives.

If you have already risked much and lost much, it doesn't matter. Mistakes don't matter. Failure doesn't matter. What matters is that you learned from your mistakes and failures. What matters is that you moved forward, you grew as a result of those experiences. The mistake-riddled life is much richer, more interesting, and more stimulating than the life that has never risked or taken a stand on anything. Hal Prince, the famous Broadway producer said, "Anyone who hasn't had a failure is an amateur."

- David McNally

Me and Mrs. Jones have got a thang goin' on.

Imagine yourself sitting at the top of Coors field watching a great game of America's past time, when the most beautiful lightning storm you've ever seen strikes. Then imagine that you have your best friend at your side to share in the moment. Things couldn't be more perfect.

Suddenly, the rain starts coming down in sheets. You and your best friend start running for cover when all of a sudden, your shoe breaks. You try and make it work but realize it is to no avail. You look at your best friend, she looks at you. You take off your other shoe and just throw it without even looking. You are standing there shoeless wondering what you’ll do now when without skipping a beat, your best friend takes off both of her shoes and throws them. You both find yourselves running around the streets of Denver, soaking wet, hysterical, shoeless, and without a care in the world. It takes a certain kind of friend to enjoy and share a moment like that with and I've found that friend in Candace.

Hello everybody and thank you for joining this afternoon to celebrate Candace and Matty. For those of you who do not know me, my name is Heather and I've been friends with Candace for about three years and have known Matty going on seven years. Candace and I met at work and I'll never forget the day I invited her to hang out. She sat right behind my Mom and we were making plans to go out that night with a few co-workers. I happened to turn around and look at Candace and there she was looking at me like a wet and homeless puppy dog. How could you not invite her along with her big blue eyes?

And I’m so glad I did. That night basically sealed the deal for us becoming the best of friends. We have been pretty much inseparable ever since. We've only known each other for three years but have been through so much together. Candace has been there to catch me before I have fallen both literally and figuratively. We've road tripped through Vegas and San Diego, sang our hearts out at concerts, lost a combined 70 lbs together, roamed the streets of Denver shoeless, the list goes on and on.

When Candace and Matty first got together, I mentally prepared myself for the changes to our friendship that would surely occur. Would there still be mad shopping sprees and lazy nights making dinner and watching movies? Would I lose my gym partner? While I don't get to see her as often as I used to, Candace is still my best friend and I have gained another in Matty. Words truly can't express how happy I am for the both of you and I can't wait to watch your love grow over our lifetimes.

I think the point of the "maid of honor" speech is to brag up the bride and add in a sprinkle of marital advice. Now that I've bragged about Candace, I'll give you my personal marital advice. Never take wedding advice from your un-married friend.

I didn’t want to leave you empty handed so I went ahead and did what any other single girl would do when given the task; I googled it. Here’s what I found:

• A successful husband is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
• Learn these four words: “you are right honey.”
• Never answer “dust” if your partner asks you “what’s on TV today?”
• Remember that in the word “wedding” the “we” comes before the “I"
• You will grow old and you will both change but the fun part is falling in love with same person over and over again.

My greatest wish for the two of you is that through the years your love for each other will deepen and grow, so that years from now you will look back on this day, your wedding day, as the day you loved each other the least.

May 'for better or worse' be far better than worse.

Here’s to the power couple! And Candace, I owe you a pair of shoes.

It may be too early for this.....

Get out of town.

As if my hunger pangs needed to be any worse, I'm shown THIS ADORABLE BLOG!!

Oh. My. Bob.

Sooooo, good news. My proposal to keep my job when I move to Texas was approved. YAY! My supervisors asked me if I was excited and I explained by asking them to purchase the Jessie (YOU WIN KYLEE!!) Spano "I'm so excited, I'm so scared" t-shirt. The conversation somehow or another led to Bob Marley and his My fear is my only courage quote and then just spiraled about Bob and his awesomeness for longer than was actually necessary. My mother, being a supervisor here (not my supervisor) was CC'd on this whole conversation.


About twenty minutes after the email convo ended, I get an email saying AND I QUOTE: "You guys need some work! Who is Bob Marley?" WHAT?! The woman I give all credit to my music nerdery to does not know who Bob Marley is?!

What is this world coming to? Next you are going to tell me there is no Santa. Pshaw. Maybe he'll bring me that t-shirt for Christmas this year!

The post where adultry and inhumanity make me mushy

While reading through my list of blogs I follow on the daily a few days ago, I came across this post. The whole thing just made me....shudder. The fact that these kinds of things are going on, publicized or not, just make me ill to my stomach and further back my belief that ignorance truly is bliss. While reading, a particular portion really stuck with me.

Sometimes we do things not because they are guaranteed to lead to the desired outcome. Look at the Hindenburg. Look at Pickett’s Charge. Look at “Herbie: Fully Loaded.” Look at most attempts at meaningful human connections.

Look at most attempts at meaningful human connections. It echoed in my head all day. What is the point of making those connections really? Why can some people have many different circles of friends and maintain relationships with all and others can only hold as many as one or two friends? Why are we so willing to jump into a relationship head first without looking back when most times, you hit the ground and break not only your head but your heart? (I'm probably the most guilty person of this)

A few of my friends are probably friends only for the sheer fact that we grew up together. We don't really have that much in common but our childhood has woven this blanket that keeps us wrapped around one another. A friend and I were just talking last night about how Price people (Price is the town we grew up in) mostly hang out with other Price people. Sometimes it's not even intentional. You can move away with the intent of starting a new life and meeting new people but the chance of you hanging out with another Price person is pretty great.
Then there are the friendships that are made without even meeting that person in real life, whether it be a pen pal, someone you met online, or just by talking on the phone. I became friends with a man who would always call my work line with questions and one thing led to another and we started emailing back and forth. I've never met him but consider him a friend. My oldest standing friendship of this sort goes back about 15 years or so, back when AOL just became popular. I just dated myself, didn't I? We've kept in contact via phone, snail mail, and recently reconnected via Facebook. We are planning to meet at next years Mardi Gras in good ole New Orleans. I never imagined we'd really meet but it's going to happen.

Then there are friends that when you meet them, you just know that person will make a major impact on your life and stay in it forever. Friends that you can expect brutal honestly with, cry with, laugh with, get into trouble with. You may get in a petty fight where you don't talk for two weeks over something ridiculous but the second you work past that, it's as if no time has changed. Or they may move away but when they visit it is like they never even left and you are back to making each other laugh at 4 AM singing Bruce Springsteen to one another in a delirious fog. "Hey little girl, is your daddy home or did he go and leave you all alone....?"

Sadly, there are those friendships that last only a little while, be it two weeks or two years. For whatever reason, those friendships end. Maybe they were only there at a time where you both needed something and once you've got it, you can move on. It doesn't make those friendships better or worse, they just are what they are.

I'll probably never fully understand how or why we humans do connect in the ways that we do but I do know that I'm so lucky to have the people in my life that I do. I love them all and wish I could just get them all together right now for a big group hug. Love you all!

Not sure why I'm so sentimental but take it for what it's worth.

Maybe in five or ten, yours and mine will meet again and straighten this whole thing out.

What if you had total closure and were completely over it and then one conversation sparked up and left you feeling a desperate urge to just get in your car and drive to that person and spill all your guts you didn't even know you had anymore? And what if the fact that you were moving 1300 miles away from that person made the desperation all that stronger? WHAT DO YOU DO?

I'm gonna throw up.

Serious porn addiction

I just wanted to take some time today to address a serious problem I have. Some people may call it an addiction. Others refer to it as an over-indulgence. I didn't really realize it was a problem until I saw a billboard advertising help for it. There it was in huge letters: Alcoholism, Pain Pills, Gambling....and then I saw it....PORN ADDICTION.

I know, I know. I'm just as surprised as you. It's like I don't even know who I am anymore. Now that I'm trying to limit my spending and lighten my possessions, it seems as if my addiction is taking over. It's all I think about. And when I'm not looking at it, I'm wondering when the next time will be that I do get to look at it.

I'm going to share with you some pictures of the porn that has disabled me from living a normal life.  Don't say I didn't warn you.

Vulgar right!? If you know of any 12 step programs or counseling that I can maybe get into to seek some help, that would be appreciated. I hope you don't think less of me now that you know of my addiction. I promise I'll get help.

Some sound dating advice

Do not ask a girl if she's ever kicked her dog just to see how far it could go. Especially when her dog has a face like this:

Never mind the fact that he has zombie eyes in this photo.

where this curse holds these memories of a man, you know he's lost.

Pancake mix

Sunshine streaming through the windows

Frozen canisters of OJ

Stolen kisses on the cheek

Freshly brewed coffee

Broken dippy eggs

Noses nestled in necks

Sausage sizzling

Barefeet pittering on wood floors

Ice cold milk

I'm lonely this Sunday morning.

Something to get your weekend started....

Secrets are so fun. Bwahahaha.

And man I'm, I'm just in Chicago

As I've mentioned before, one of my besties recently moved to Chicago. I went to visit her and it totally prepared me for my own upcoming move. I did a lot of observing and asking questions since she is basically doing what I'm about to do. The difference is that she has her sister there although, they are completely different in every single way. The only thing they have in common is DNA.

I found myself alone while she was at work and navigating myself to the nearest grocery store, which was quite the adventure. When nothing is familiar, you do much more observing and mimicking. I found myself being even more out-going as I usually am, just to have someone give me that nod of understanding or see the look of complete desperation in my eyes that totally gave away that I was an outsider. I felt like everyone I walked past was watching me like a hawk because I couldn't be trusted. It was very odd.

Insecurity turns me into the clumsiest person ever. I become so overwhelmed that I'm blinded. Boarding the bus, I couldn't even figure out where to insert my pass properly. I'm not even shitting you, a blind man hopped on the bus the next stop and without hesitation, bam. He even knew. However, I did manage to navigate my way all by myself from Christina's house to the airport via public transit the day I left. Do you know how accomplished I feel? Yeah, people do it every day but I grew up in a small ass town that doesn't even have taxi service let alone a bus system. I even had to ride a bus AND train. I know, I know. I'm that awesome.

On the plane ride home, I sat next to a very attractive gentleman. (Silver wedding band included.) We exchanged small "single-serving friend" talk before I put in my headphones and drifted off to sleep. Only I woke up in a violent shake that resulted in me hitting him about 30 minutes later. Yeah, I'm the graceful type. I'm still embarrassed when I think about it and he's probably long since forgot about being a punching bag on flight 1974.

I know I've probably talked about me moving both to you reading and those who know me in real life way too much but it's always on my mind. Always. Truth is, I'm scared as fuck. I'm not even sure this is the right decision. I'm leaving everything and everyone I know and love to chase some crazy dream. Every boundary I've made and lived by is slowly losing its borders. Any and all routines I had are now a thing of the past. I honestly considered just sending for my clothes and staying in Chicago. I really hope this works out. If I cause myself extreme loneliness and clumsiness for nothing, I'm really going to be pissed.

Anyone want to visit Austin? I'll cook breakfast! I'm totally serious.

Office Shenanigans

I work in the typical office world of TPS reports, faxes, and office memos. Yesterday was our fiscal year end and this was our day....


The blonde is our Executive Director and the brunette is the mother of Yours Truly who is a supervisor. After a year or so of recession crisis and no raises, this was so refreshing.

Short and sweet

I love google analytics.

HI JULIE!!!

That is all.

because nobody here knows when to stop

You guys, I. Am. In. Love. I've waited so long for this moment and it's finally happened. Not with one man but with five. I'm from Utah. That's just what we do.

No but seriously, Minus The Bear's new album titled Omni shall be my summer soundtrack. I loved Minus The Bear before this album but I love every single song on this album. I haven't been able to stop listening and I don't anticipate me stopping anytime soon.

I can't even decide which song is my favorite. Here are a couple.

Damn you George Michael!!

I know I've briefly touched on the subject of my father and I, but I feel like with Father's Day coming up and all, a post is due. This whole post comes at an odd time actually. Two other blogs I follow have touched on this subject recently and also I've been hanging out with my half brother (who looks just like my dad) a lot. I guess this is my "tribute" to the man I called "daddy" as a child. This is probably my most vulnerable post.

I remember the day my parents told me they were getting divorced like it was yesterday. Actually, I remember that day better than I remember yesterday. I was at my friend Frankie's house playing. She had the life I envied. Every toy imaginable, a mom who whore polyester pants with matching plaid shirts (I think that warrants a whole post of it's own), and a birthmark right in the middle of her forehead. We were the best of friends and I spent a ton of time at her house. When my dad came to pick me up I did the usual "please daddy, can I stay just a little bit longer? p-p-p-lease?" plead and as always I was told no but this time was different. This time I didn't argue because I felt the pain in his voice. Something was going on. Even at 6 years old I could feel it. I grabbed my stuff and got in the car. We had a silent ride home.

I walked into our house and my baby sister wasn't there. By baby I mean she was 2. She's still a baby to me at 22. My mom had just gotten out of the shower and was in a robe with her hair in a towel. They both sat me down and told me what was going to happen. Without skipping a beat I said ok and started for the door. I just wanted to be alone in my room. They were both crying and it was so uncomfortable. If they were both crying, why were they doing this? "Where are you going?" my dad asked. I replied that I just wanted to go to my room but was forced back to sitting in the middle of them on their bed. It was probably the most awkward moment of my life.

The next few months were a shit show. I met my dads new girlfriend with her huge ass hair and 80's attire. She had a son a year younger than me who was ok. We played Nintendo's track game and actually were neck and neck the whole time. Ok, so I have a brother now. My sister, mom and I moved around quite a bit trying to find our "niche". Only months later my dad got re-married while Kylee and I were conveniently out of town. I remember being so pissed that he didn't want us to be a part of that. After that we probably saw our dad 3 times a year. I tried to understand. I mean, his new son had soccer practice, extra-curricular classes because he was some sort of genius and eye appointments because Einstein was apparently blind.

Meanwhile, my life consisted of making sure Kylee was up, fed, and ready for school along with coffee being ready and my mom being awake for when it was time for her to drive us to school. I took it upon myself to assume the role as mother. My mom had a business to run along with a job on the side to make extra money. She was exhausted with trying to be Super Woman for her girls so I tried helping as much as I could.

Every time my dad would call, all he'd brag about was my step-brother and what he was doing and how life was in the city, blah, blah, blah. I think this is where I started to resent him. I realized that he left the family he started to be involved with another one. I was always a daddy's girl growing up so I still held on to that fact. I was always out in the carport with him while he worked on his cars asking questions and trying to figure out what he was doing so I could be closer to him. Sitting on that milk crate in his green Dodge Dart while we took it for a test drive will forever be my favorite memory but after he left, it was never the same.

When I moved up to Salt Lake we became closer. My apartment was 3 blocks away from his work. I'd walk down and we'd have lunch. He'd talk to me about his life and how unhappy he was. How he had made a mistake but felt like he couldn't leave because there was no way he'd go through another divorce. I'd plead and beg and promise that I'd do whatever it took to help him. I'd move in with him, cook, clean, do laundry, whatever it took but it always ended the same. He wasn't leaving.

Once I was engaged I felt like it was appropriate to become closer to my father because with marriage usually comes children. I wanted him to be part of it all. Him and his wife would come over for BBQs and we'd drink, laugh, and be merry but there was always something just.....off. Finally I asked if they'd both come over and talk to me and just get everything out in the open so we could get over it all and be open and happy. Let me just say, that day was the biggest display of deceit and betrayal in a marriage that I have ever seen. It basically came down to everybody just wiping the slate clean.

I tried. I really tried but I couldn't do it. When I'd call my dad, I'd have to coach myself for at least 30 minutes just to do it and it would usually end in tears. I sat there while my fiance and little step-daughter would console me and as I looked at her little face seeing me crying, it hit me. She is probably so hurt by seeing me cry as I was that day my parents told me they were splitting up. It was her little face that made me decide I wasn't going to let him have this effect on me.

We talked a few more times and I asked what I could to to fix things between everyone. I was willing to do anything. His only reply was that he thought that there had been too many hurt feelings and that it was basically a lost cause. He had thrown in the towel. What other choice did I have?

My Gramoo will still take little jabs thinking that will persuade me into calling him but the answer is always the same. I've done everything I can. I've swallowed my pride, I've forgotten how he's treated me, my sister, and my mother, what else can I do?

Whenever I hear the following song, I always imagine that it's how my dad felt when he left. Maybe it's true and maybe it's not. Either way, I'm not bitter towards my dad. Maybe I could (or should) be but I have to believe he's always had the best of intentions. Who knows. That wasn't a question.

Something 'bout the country

I grew up in a small town in Eastern Utah surrounded by plateaus and cow pies. I lived on the Old Wellington Road. Twice a year I'd get woken up around 5 AM by a cropper dusting the corn field right across the road from the double wide I lived in. This sounds like a movie but it's my reality.

Growing up I was SO embarrassed that I lived in a double wide. I did all I could to prevent new people from knowing where I lived because I hated it so much. Even when I moved to the city, I never intended on bringing anyone home in fear of having to pull up to that house. I'm a literal red neck and I live in a double wide. Please shoot me now.  

Now that I'm older I have no reservations about what it was. We had a roof over our heads, clothes on our backs (regardless if they were a few sizes too big), and got to travel so much when we were kids.  If I were my Mom at my age I'd have an 8 year old, a 4 year old, and own my own business out of my house that I started and ran by myself. Wow. All I have is a 6 year old dog with a constipation problem. Thank you Mom! You rock.

Something that I've always thought was funny is that everyone always wanted to hang out at my house growing up. I could never understand why. I didn't have a trampoline, I didn't have the newest video game technology, I didn't have fancy things or clothes. I'm pretty sure my sister and I had more generic things than name brand. We even had the generic Aladdin movie which is even better than Disney's version. Suck it Walt. But for whatever reason, people flocked to our house. People have told me because it just felt like home which I can understand. My mom had a way of decorating things to where it just felt like...home. There really isn't another word. Hopefully I adopted that trait from her and my kids will have the same experience.

When I moved to the city, I thought I'd never look back. Never again would I have to slow down to 15 MPH to wait to get around a tractor taking up my side of the road. Never again would I have to worry that the biggest thing happening in town was the county fair or International Days. I was moving to the city and something big would be happening all the time!

Now that I've been gone for 8+ years, to be honest, I miss it. I don't miss the town I grew up in. I probably could never settle down there because of all the drama and gossip but another small town? Even the one where my grandparents still reside, I could see myself buying a house there and settling for a slower life style someday. Maybe not today, next year, or even the next 10 years but damn it, there's just something 'bout a small town. Boys are truly raised as men, people may be nosey but they're real, and the scenery is to die for. You can take the girl out of the country but you can't take the country out of the girl.

Pump up the volume

Remember when you have an idea that you are questioning and that little voice in your head says, "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Yeah. I'm going to start listening.

I love the way you love, but I hate the way I'm supposed to love you back.

There's been a skeleton from my closet literally sharing my closet for the past few days. I haven't especially liked it but I haven't especially hated it either. The fact that he's here is actually sort of a victory of sorts. See, we had a somewhat rocky relationship. The first 6 months were great. I still look back on them and can feel the butterflies....then he proposed and that put a whole new light on the "relationshit". I was 22 years old. Was I ready to be the step-mother to a 3 year old? (You guys have NO IDEA about how out of control this little girl was) The answer to that question is hells to the no. Was I ready to deal with having an ex there for at least the next 15 years? Maybe. If she could have acted like an adult about the whole situation but was she? Again, hells to the no.

Truth is, with this skeleton sharing my same space again, it just justifies the reason we aren't together. I can't even imagine being his friend that I hang out with on the regular let alone his girlfriend. Not that I don't care about him or anything. It sounds really harsh but I can hardly stand him to be honest. Let me explain. I come home and open my freezer looking for something to make for dinner and what do I find? VEGAN BURGERS. I have nothing against Vegans or their burgers. I have something against him eating Vegan burgers (I keep typing Vegas instead of Vegan. Ha!) . This is the same dude who sat across the table from me while eating a medium rare steak weekly asking me how people could not eat meat while we were together.

Another example, his attitude. HE IS SO NEGATIVE AND ANGRY! When I first met him, he was so easy going. The man sported mostly Hawaiian shirts and flip flops ok? That's probably how we stayed together for so long. He had to be that way to handle me. He was so passive with everything. His attitude was just so awesome and positive. He hardly let anything get him down. Now?! Wow. He works the door at a bar just for the chance to kick someones ass for getting out of line. I'm all for testosterone but buddy, you need help when you are riding your skateboard down the street and jump somebody in a car. Just sayin'.

Why is he here you ask? Basically, he called me out of the blue and needed a place to crash....the same damn day I sold my couch. (Isn't it ironic? Don't you think?) I couldn't just say no so now he's here. The more I think about it, the more pissed off I get about the situation. Would he do the same for me if the tables were turned? Probably not. But that is not what life is about. If I got half out of what I've given to people, I'd be one lucky lady. All I can think is that one day, karma is going to pay me back ten fold and I'll be the happiest girl alive. In the meantime, I'll just live life by turning the other cheek and holding out for what the universe will bring me.

Where is this victory I spoke of you ask? It's the fact that he told me we couldn't communicate, see each other, etc. because he was moving on. Fair enough. Let's move on. What did I do? I moved on. I moved a few times actually. How is it that he is now back at my door step? Guess it turns out I wasn't that evil person after all and I knew what I was talking about all along, didn't I? The good thing is we are on opposite schedules. When I'm waking up to get ready, he's getting off work to sleep and when he's leaving for the day, I'm coming home so I hardly see him. Except for all his shit that he leaves everywhere. When did he become such a dirtbag? Ugh.

One thing I can thank this said skeleton for is knowing that I can truly love. Love is being able to care about someone so much that you'd rather see them with someone other than you if that person is happier. That's totally how it is. In fact, this morning while I was brushing my teeth I tried thinking if there was someone I knew that would pair well with him.....but then I realized I couldn't subject anyone to his hot mess right now. You're welcome, Ladies. ;)

It was a toss up between which songs explained my feelings so I'll just post them both.