I'm Just Sayin' That You Could Do Bettah.

Is it me or does this song sound a little like the Peter Gabriel song featured on the City of Angels soundtrack? Oh yeah, I haven't heard it either....ehem. No but for real. It reminds me of that song. You guys! I'm obsessed with this CD!! I don't know that I've ever mentioned this before but I have THE most awesome sister in the entire world. She sent me this album yesterday and I can't stop listening! I stay logged on at work just so I can listen to this song. (Holla for overtime!) Boyf is a hater of Drake because of his Sprite commercial so I've been sparing him but I don't know how long I'll be that nice. I'm sure if he listened to it he'd be as much in love with it.

I've actually learned quite a bit about boyfriend these past two weeks. I've known him for over a year but am still learning things about him. He enjoys window shopping! Do you know how huge that is for me? He likes looking at furniture! It's amazing and I love it. Tonight he just admitted that he likes Rihanna. I've been hiding my passion for Rihanna but now I'm FREE!! I haven't been able to stop listening to "We Found Love" for the last two weeks. I turn into this guy whenever it's on, no joke:

I have a weird question. I'm not expecting an answer. I think I might just need to say it out loud. (Or type it because I don't actually speak while blogging. Maybe I should?) Do you think you've escaped the past? Are you fully content with everything that has come and gone? Is it weird that I'm not or is it a normal thing to have these feelings? Maybe it's just Christmas time and I'm getting too sentimental. It's just that sometimes I can let my mind wander into the 'what ifs' of my life and I really don't appreciate it.

Don't get me wrong. I know that everything that I've experienced and gone through up until this point has got me to where I am. I am so happy to be able to say that I live in Austin. I've stepped out of any comfort zone I could ever even imagine that I had and tried something new and made a new life for myself. I've made friends and I've made enemies. Had things "worked out" I would probably be a fatty living in Price, UT with 5 kids. Or dealing with a bipolar baby momma with all sorts of drama. Or maybe in some other tiny ass town living a life that isn't me. It's just that sometimes I wonder if the life I'm living now is where I should be. 

Do y'all have these feelings ever?  

I miss Utah...

...and lately, the things I've missed about Utah are all food related.

Sigh.

Oh, my dear blog.

Ahhhh! I cannot believe how much I've missed this little blog!! I doubt anybody is even reading anymore but I don't even care. I logged into Blogger for the first time in I don't even know how long and my fingers just ached to type. I think I needed that little vacation from blogging but now I'm finding myself needing that outlet again. My how life has changed since my last few posts.

I will admit that the sheen of Austin hasn't necessarily worn off but I know now that this isn't home. Don't get me wrong, when I pack up that car again and leave this town in the rear view mirror, there are things that I will miss terribly and a little piece of my heart will remain here. There truly is a magic to this town that can't be duplicated. It's just...not home. Since I've been gone from Utah, I haven't so much missed the crazy liquor laws or all the damn Mormons but I've realized, those are MY crazy liquor laws and MY damn Mormons. Those mountains and the pesky snow, the grid streets, the Capitol building nesting on the hill, they are mine. My home. I think before I came here, I took it all for granted. Sure I loved it, but I didn't love it as much I as I should have.

One thing Texas has taught me is pride. Man, these Texans do NOT mess with Texas. Probably why that is their state motto. They LOVE their state. I remember the first time I sat in a sports bar while a UT game was on and my ears rang for a week. It was INSANE! I lived a block off of campus in Utah and I hated when there was a game because that meant traffic and fighting for a parking spot to my own apartment. Now it means home pride and loyalty. I was literally put out last weekend because I had made plans to go out before knowing a Utah game was on. I text my boyfriend for the score multiple times and even though it wasn't an exciting game, I felt horrible for missing out on it. I would've given anything to be home on the couch next to my Utah boy watching that Utah game.

I feel like I should mention that me and Utah boy share a couch....more than that I suppose. We share an apartment. A tiny, 376 sq. ft. studio apartment. There's no escaping his snoring by sleeping on the couch because it's 3 ft. from the bed. There's no alone time, no privacy, nothing. I've been skipping out on the Thursday Night Social Rides just to give us some space. I fear we'll kill each other without it. If we can survive this, maybe we can survive anything! He is pretty damn cute though so I suppose I'll make the best of the situation. ;)

Utah, I love and miss you so much! I never thought I'd say those words but it's true. I miss the mountains, I miss my family, and most of all, I miss my friends. I've met some great people here but none have compared to the ones I have at home. With the exception of Reggie in Arizona and Christina in Florida (yes, Florida), y'all are in Utah and I want you near me. I suppose my adorable Utah boy will have to do for now but I WILL be coming home. Maybe not tomorrow, next month, or even 6 months from now but damn it, when I do come home, I want as many 3.2% beers as I can handle (which will probably be a lot since I'm used to a higher %), and all of my friends around me.

Beer and loathing in Las Austin

Congress Bridge. Taken by yours truly.

Oh my poor blog! I have totally neglected you! I'll bet everybody has up and forgot about our little corner of the Internet by now. Oh well. Let's just say I've been in intake mode. I'm finally living in Austin proper and I'm loving it. I'm drinking it in....literally.

Everything you hear about Austin is true. It's weird, it's kitchy, it's amazing, it's unlike any other city. I couldn't have picked a better place to up and move to. I've met so many different and wonderful people. Even people I've met in passing and will probably never meet again have made an impression on this heart of mine.

I'm not going to tell you that life has been sunshine and roses. Moving to a new city all by yourself is fucking hard. Not only that but trying to reinvent the person that you once were and letting go of everything you've ever believed in, wanted, and needed is nothing short of the hardest thing I've done in my lifetime so far....well, except for that one time I dislocated my shoulder and had to lay in the road and jam it back in myself. Then I proceeded to ride my bicycle to the bar and party the rest of the night with my little brother and about 100 other Austinites. That was pretty hard too. The dislocating thing, not the partying thing. But that's neither here nor there. I'm broke, I'm lonely, I'm excited, I'm in love, I almost got arrested, I'm confused. It's INSANE.

Some days I wake up and I'm completely happy and content with the way things are going and other days, I wake up and question every decision I've made. It drives me banana sandwich. Let's just say the whole "just be" thing isn't exactly sticking. Why is it that I'm such a control freak? Why can't I just go with the flow? I'm in the middle of hippie central! Surely it will rub off on me soon enough. Right?

Funny thing about this post is that I wanted to talk about Bon Iver and the new album. I don't know what happened but I sat here and my fingers just started typing and here we are. You guys.....*deep breath*...this album is amazing. I'm completely consumed by it. By now y'all know how my obsession can be with music. I'll listen to something non-stop for the better part of a week and then I can move on. I don't know that this will happen with this album. I think it's because it just fits with where I am in life and the way I'm feeling. I've had the chills for two days straight.

This album jumps around so much. One second you will have a slow ballad and the next you have a song that reminds you of the theme song from Growing Pains. There's even a song that features a bicycle bell. Tell me that isn't the cutest thing in life! Justin Vernon is a man after my own heart and he doesn't even know it.

This is probably my favorite song on the record. I could only find the live version since the "web sheriff" is apparently a Nazi when it comes to YouTube. Enjoy.

And I want to tell you,

I was not magnificent

Call me Captain Obvious

Oh life. You are this close to being everything I want you to be. This. Close. This song was playing in the background as I was working just now and the lyrics took me by the throat and forced my ears to the speakers. My heart is dancing with those lyrics right now. And my throat has a lump in it.

Wanna be in love for real

You know when you wake up and just feel like being a masochist and decide that you're going to torture yourself all day by making yourself feel hurty? No? Hmm. It's just me then? This is awkward. Today is one of those days. And by feeling hurty, I mean with music, not with razors. I don't mean to get all "Tickle Me Emo" on your ass but hot damn, sometimes it's just good to wallow.

Rachael Yamagata, you got me and you got me good! I've spent the greater part of the morning completely drowning myself in her PLUS it's cloudy outside and it hurts so good. My chest is literally tight. This coffee tastes salty...



Send me some sunshine peeps.

Just Be

My sister sent me an article this week on tips for better sleep. There were a total of five reasons that may cause crappy sleep. However, of these five, I can really only remember two because the others didn't really apply to me. I don't have the article and can't find a link to it, otherwise I would have loved to share it with you.

The first tip that applied to me is avoiding spicy foods. Apparently, the spice can give you heartburn (which I've never, ever had) and cause your body temperature to rise. Um, I'm pretty sure my blood is 5% Cholula. I put it on everything. Salad, soup, cottage cheese, tortillas, sandwiches, eggs, you get the point. I'm still unclear how exactly this causing sleeping issues but avoid spicy foods?! HA!

The second is alcohol, or as the article wrote "The Nightcap". I think a nightcap is what I'm going to call every adult beverage I consume because it just makes it sound so refined and grown up. When someone comes over, regardless the time of day, I'll open the fridge, grab a beer and ask, "Nightcap?" Also, I wish there was a beer called "Highball" because ordering a highball is so much fun. The universe has banned me from drinking hard alcohol to protect myself and those around me that I know and love so I can never order a highball. I've just now decided nightcap and highball are two of my favorite words.

Nightcap?

I'm really getting off track with this. I promise there is a point to this post. Over the last three years, I have had problems with sleeping. I either have crazy, vivid dreams/nightmares or just wake up at some ungodly hour and stay awake while my mind races. There is rarely a night where I sleep the whole night through and when I do, I feel like doing cartwheels down the hallway on my way to the bathroom for my morning pee. (Did the visual make you laugh too?)

Last night was no exception. I woke up around 2:30 AM and my mind instantly fired up. I convinced myself I needed to move back to Utah. Everyone I love is there and living life without me. The mountains are cradling the city, almost protecting it. I miss that protection. I know what restaurants I love and what to order there, I know the best venues to see shows, I know what areas to avoid driving and at what times. I KNOW Salt Lake. I eventually drifted back to sleep until my alarm shook me awake this morning. My first thought this morning was my mind's adventures last night.

Am I moving back to Salt Lake? Not anytime soon. Eventually? Maybe. I'm visiting in May so maybe that will satisfy my craving. Why the hell can't I shake this whole not having a goal thing and just be? I am a week away from moving into my own little place on the eastside of Austin and out of Cedar Park. (Thank goddesses) I even got a FREE bike so that I can start attending the social rides and zip over to downtown whenever I feel like it. Heather, take this time of being single, having no obligations, and getting the opportunity to reinvent yourself into whatever you want while you have it! You are 28 years old and not getting any younger. JUST BE!