There's been a skeleton from my closet literally sharing my closet for the past few days. I haven't especially liked it but I haven't especially hated it either. The fact that he's here is actually sort of a victory of sorts. See, we had a somewhat rocky relationship. The first 6 months were great. I still look back on them and can feel the butterflies....then he proposed and that put a whole new light on the "relationshit". I was 22 years old. Was I ready to be the step-mother to a 3 year old? (You guys have NO IDEA about how out of control this little girl was) The answer to that question is hells to the no. Was I ready to deal with having an ex there for at least the next 15 years? Maybe. If she could have acted like an adult about the whole situation but was she? Again, hells to the no.
Truth is, with this skeleton sharing my same space again, it just justifies the reason we aren't together. I can't even imagine being his friend that I hang out with on the regular let alone his girlfriend. Not that I don't care about him or anything. It sounds really harsh but I can hardly stand him to be honest. Let me explain. I come home and open my freezer looking for something to make for dinner and what do I find? VEGAN BURGERS. I have nothing against Vegans or their burgers. I have something against him eating Vegan burgers (I keep typing Vegas instead of Vegan. Ha!) . This is the same dude who sat across the table from me while eating a medium rare steak weekly asking me how people could not eat meat while we were together.
Another example, his attitude. HE IS SO NEGATIVE AND ANGRY! When I first met him, he was so easy going. The man sported mostly Hawaiian shirts and flip flops ok? That's probably how we stayed together for so long. He had to be that way to handle me. He was so passive with everything. His attitude was just so awesome and positive. He hardly let anything get him down. Now?! Wow. He works the door at a bar just for the chance to kick someones ass for getting out of line. I'm all for testosterone but buddy, you need help when you are riding your skateboard down the street and jump somebody in a car. Just sayin'.
Why is he here you ask? Basically, he called me out of the blue and needed a place to crash....the same damn day I sold my couch. (Isn't it ironic? Don't you think?) I couldn't just say no so now he's here. The more I think about it, the more pissed off I get about the situation. Would he do the same for me if the tables were turned? Probably not. But that is not what life is about. If I got half out of what I've given to people, I'd be one lucky lady. All I can think is that one day, karma is going to pay me back ten fold and I'll be the happiest girl alive. In the meantime, I'll just live life by turning the other cheek and holding out for what the universe will bring me.
Where is this victory I spoke of you ask? It's the fact that he told me we couldn't communicate, see each other, etc. because he was moving on. Fair enough. Let's move on. What did I do? I moved on. I moved a few times actually. How is it that he is now back at my door step? Guess it turns out I wasn't that evil person after all and I knew what I was talking about all along, didn't I? The good thing is we are on opposite schedules. When I'm waking up to get ready, he's getting off work to sleep and when he's leaving for the day, I'm coming home so I hardly see him. Except for all his shit that he leaves everywhere. When did he become such a dirtbag? Ugh.
One thing I can thank this said skeleton for is knowing that I can truly love. Love is being able to care about someone so much that you'd rather see them with someone other than you if that person is happier. That's totally how it is. In fact, this morning while I was brushing my teeth I tried thinking if there was someone I knew that would pair well with him.....but then I realized I couldn't subject anyone to his hot mess right now. You're welcome, Ladies. ;)
It was a toss up between which songs explained my feelings so I'll just post them both.
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I really want my ex to be happy and find someone amazing. I don't think I could have always said that but I really mean it now. I think that is a sign of growth and love for sure.
ReplyDeleteIt's hard to care about someone you don't particularly like. This is part of what makes you completely amazing.
ReplyDeleteJust don't let the skeleton take advantage of your kindness too much. It's good to have limits.
Nice MCS plug. You are a better and obviously stronger person than I am.
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