As I've mentioned before, one of my besties recently moved to Chicago. I went to visit her and it totally prepared me for my own upcoming move. I did a lot of observing and asking questions since she is basically doing what I'm about to do. The difference is that she has her sister there although, they are completely different in every single way. The only thing they have in common is DNA.I found myself alone while she was at work and navigating myself to the nearest grocery store, which was quite the adventure. When nothing is familiar, you do much more observing and mimicking. I found myself being even more out-going as I usually am, just to have someone give me that nod of understanding or see the look of complete desperation in my eyes that totally gave away that I was an outsider. I felt like everyone I walked past was watching me like a hawk because I couldn't be trusted. It was very odd.
Insecurity turns me into the clumsiest person ever. I become so overwhelmed that I'm blinded. Boarding the bus, I couldn't even figure out where to insert my pass properly. I'm not even shitting you, a blind man hopped on the bus the next stop and without hesitation, bam. He even knew. However, I did manage to navigate my way all by myself from Christina's house to the airport via public transit the day I left. Do you know how accomplished I feel? Yeah, people do it every day but I grew up in a small ass town that doesn't even have taxi service let alone a bus system. I even had to ride a bus AND train. I know, I know. I'm that awesome.
On the plane ride home, I sat next to a very attractive gentleman. (Silver wedding band included.) We exchanged small "single-serving friend" talk before I put in my headphones and drifted off to sleep. Only I woke up in a violent shake that resulted in me hitting him about 30 minutes later. Yeah, I'm the graceful type. I'm still embarrassed when I think about it and he's probably long since forgot about being a punching bag on flight 1974.
I know I've probably talked about me moving both to you reading and those who know me in real life way too much but it's always on my mind. Always. Truth is, I'm scared as fuck. I'm not even sure this is the right decision. I'm leaving everything and everyone I know and love to chase some crazy dream. Every boundary I've made and lived by is slowly losing its borders. Any and all routines I had are now a thing of the past. I honestly considered just sending for my clothes and staying in Chicago. I really hope this works out. If I cause myself extreme loneliness and clumsiness for nothing, I'm really going to be pissed.
Anyone want to visit Austin? I'll cook breakfast! I'm totally serious.
Be strong, son.
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