Adventures In Babysitting....er Dating!

We all have our fair share of dating horror stories. I had some friends over for dinner and told a few stories and decided I should share my top fave five. Ok, I don't really know if I can say I have favorites, let alone five of them, but I can tell you that I seriously have had some gems of experiences.

Let me start off with the latest and probably the greatest. We'll call him Mohawk guy. Meet him at the bar, he proceeds to buy me AND MY FRIENDS drinks. Automatically gets 18 points for that. I fall from being a drunk hot mess, he helps me up, AND STILL CALLS ME THE NEXT DAY!! 23 points for that one. If you are doing the math, that's already 41 points in less than 24 hours. We text and flirt for the next week and plan on going to dinner that Friday (which was this last Friday). This is when he quickly lost those points and is probably now in the negatives. Ok not probably. He IS in the negative. So Friday he informs me that he'll be late, about 30-45 minutes. I hate when people are late but at least he let me know so no big deal. I just figured he ended up having to work late. No. HE HAD TO PICK HIS FRIEND UP FROM JAIL. Minus 20 points. So he shows up at 8:30 (an hour and a half late...minus 50 points) and proceeds to tell me that we can't go to dinner because while he did get paid that day, he didn't have enough hours therefore he is poor. Ok, whatever. I'm not a girl that needs to be wined and dined. We won't deduct any points for that for the sake of being nice. So we basically just sat in my living room and talked for a good six hours. During the course of this six hours is when I started coming down with the gomboo. I also learned that Mohawk guy has zero respect for his parents/family, doesn't pay his bills since he plans on filing for bankruptcy soon but he can't until he files his taxes for the last two years (if you think it can't get any worse, keep reading!!), doesn't believe in love and doesn't see how anyone could stay married their whole life, and lastly, the corker of all corkers, he placed an ad on Craigslist in all seriousness asking for a woman to mother a child for him and then give up her rights so he could have a kid. He's now negative 15,978,364,654 points. I wish I was making this up you guys but even my colorful imagination couldn't come up with this shit show of a person. I've even left some stuff out for the sake of not writing a novel.

In high school I did have a serious boyfriend for most of it but I did get the chance to date. Man, now come to think of it, my shit show dating career started out a shit show from day one. I say this because I once was subjected to eating dinner in the back of a dump truck. Yes, I literally had to crawl up into the back of this stinky, dirty dump truck and eat dinner. I also feared for my life when a guy suggested we go four-wheeling in the hills in his truck and then almost rolled us. Don't worry, he made me get out of the truck before it rolled. An hour later he wanted to go find a shopping cart and race it into cement walls while I was riding in it. He actually thought that sounded fun. Dump truck guy and Shopping Cart guy were nice but that was about it.

Then there was Naked guy. You'll see where he gets his name in just a second. Naked guy was actually a guy I went to school with so I pretty much knew him already but never really considered dating him. We went out one night and had drinks and sushi. It was a pretty fun night. He invited me to his place for more drinks and conversation once dinner was over. Sounded great so I went in and we listened to music and talked for a little bit. Naked guy then excused himself to the restroom. I'm just sitting there innocently waiting for him to finish his business when all of a sudden, in busts Naked guy completely NAKED, running (literally running) towards me. I had no time to think. I was like a deer in headlights. I'd only seen two other men completely naked in my life and here he is, running towards me like there was a Zombie outbreak in the bathroom and getting naked was the only way to repel them. He then proceeds to tackle me. Naked. NAKED!!! I made a swift exit and haven't talked to Naked guy since.

With all these exciting experiences under my belt, I decided to really torture myself and join Match.com. My friend met a nice guy and swore by it so I thought what the hell. I wasn't meeting any guys so why not really just put myself out there. I decided to give it a month. I went on four dates and I can't say it was a horrible experience. I'm actually proud of myself for doing it. It really takes a lot of courage to go on so many "blind" dates and I can honestly say I overcame some personal barriers by doing it. I just didn't happen to find anything worth writing home about. Granted, I did only give it one month but I don't think I'll be taking that route again. It's just not for me.

This post sort of sounds like I'm bitching but that really isn't my intent. I love that I've had such crazy experiences. I think it has added to my character and I'm told it will only make me appreciate THE ONE that much more. I must say I'm having a blast being single in this Salty City. It does get frustrating, especially being a non-Mormon at times but I think SLC has got some great diversity and amazing people. I just can't believe I've subjected myself to some of the shit I have. Get a grip Heather.