I don't consider myself a good writer. I don't consider myself a profound thinker. If anything I think quite the opposite. I use too many commas and probably don't truly get my thought process across. I've been contemplating going back to school but not quite sure for what. Maybe an English class to become a better writer? I don't know. But I have been making it a point to write an idea down as it strikes me. I'll be mid-brushing my teeth and BAM! Something comes to me. Or I'll be at work and I'll need to write something down. Sometimes I'm not sure whether I should waste an FB update on an idea or expand on it by blogging.
Writing is like therapy for me. I'm sure it is for a lot of people. I just can't believe I publish it for everyone to see. I'll write about something and not even mention it to my BFF that I can't hide anything from and she'll bring it up on our daily walk and I almost feel ashamed. I'm the type of girl that wears her heart on her sleeve...
I mean that literally. I didn't even realize the significance of that tattoo until all was said and done. It's also fun for fill-in-the-blanks. Anyway, my point was to say that I can't believe how much I've been able to hold things in lately. It's almost like I'm evolving into another person and I'm so excited. I can't wait for a change and to see the outcome of what is next.
Here is what has struck me as of late.
Another co-habitating toothbrush has come and gone. Even though this one was not invited, it was exciting to have in the medicine cabinet, as if to say, "hey, you know you are stomping on claimed territory." Funny that it was a pink toothbrush. Maybe it wasn't so forward. Maybe more like a "Bet you are wondering who's this is..."
Throwing out the toothbrush this morning was more like flicking on the vacancy sign on yet again. Christ, how many times will this happen? The last time it happened the toothbrush was pink too but because of me. I didn't want the forwardness of a "manly" colored toothbrush. That would have totally cramped my style. The style of "hi, I don't want to let you know I'm secretly in love with you so I'm going to pretend like it's such an inconvenience for you to leave a toothbrush here so I'm making it pink."
How long will this toothbrush game go on for? Forever? I fucking hope not. I'm so sick of it. Is it me? Is it because I live in Utah? Is it because I'm not Mormon? Is it because I'm too picky? Am I not picky enough? I feel like all the women on Sex and the City combined in one.
"I've been dating for 15 years. Where is he?"
Maybe it's just that he hasn't become the person he needs to be best suited for you.
ReplyDeleteI don't know that the previous statement made sense, or if the next one will either, but it's a possibility. We live in an on demand society, but sometimes, the things worth the most, take the most time. Michelangelo was probably sick and tired of staring at the Sistine Chapel's ceiling, but he continued to paint and the end result was his masterpiece. Just keep staring at the ceiling.
It isn't you, and it isn't Utah and it isn't for want of a religious outlook. Eventually there'll be another, or not, what do I know? But the ticking clock approach to anything never works.
ReplyDelete>>End of unwanted advice.
Also, fuck toothbrushes. Just floss for a while.
You got my attention with that brilliant Dallas Green quote. It's the guys with the electric toothbrushes you've got to watch out for.
ReplyDeleteI love the feedback guys. I'm thinking I'll just stick to floss for a bit. And staring at ceilings. Ha.
ReplyDelete