I miss having feelings. Any feelings. Happy, sad, mad, excited. I was talking to Sue yesterday and we were talking about the last time we'd cried. She's more of an emotional girl than I am. The last time I cried (besides reading a book or watching a movie) was at the end of November but it was out of sheer anger. I was SO mad that all I could do was curl up on the floor and cry my eyes out until I couldn't breath. Then I picked myself up, wiped my tears and went on with life. Haven't cried since.
In the past week it seems like I've been told that I'm more of a dude about 100 times by different people. I'm not so sure how true that is. It's definitely what I put off but not necessarily true. I guess if I act more dudely I won't attract one? I don't know. I'm tired of not feeling though. It's almost more exhausting as having feelings. It's like I'm waiting to wake up and feel something. I'll be glad when Summer is here. There is just something about the sun out, music up, and windows down.
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You sound like a man. I think you probably suppress your feelings long enough to let them build up so much pressure, something small from someone who doesn't deserve your wrath sets you off.
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